Today someone today someone told me I was 
“replaceable” 
I know they were joking, or at least I hope so, as we were both jokingly taking jabs at each other. At first, I laughed it off and completely forgot that it was even said. Then I started to reflect on that whole conversation because something I said had offended the other which I truly had no intentions of doing nor did I say anything i truly meant. I felt terrible. I apologized quite a few times and they accepted. Over and done with. Or so I thought. I still felt  terrible and just kept replaying the conversation over and over. “You are replaceable” was suddenly like a broken record in my head. It really started to get to me. In all areas of my life, I really started to believe this. I drove home thinking about it. I started to think about why it was even bothering me. Five or six years ago something like this would hardly phase me. I used to be so confident in almost everything I did. I strived to be the best I could be. I honestly thought I could  rule the world if I wanted to. Today, I am not that same person. Something has happened to my confidence and my drive to be the best. So this started another train of thoughts. Where did my confidence go? When did I lose it? Why did i lose it? Etc etc. I came up with a few analogies and started to piece them together like a puzzle. 

I got home and ran straight to my baby and completely forgot the whole thing for awhile. It wasn’t until me and Jordan were laying on the bed and starring at each other dead in the eyes where I realized I may be “replaceable” in other areas of my life but NO ONE can replace me as the mother of my son. This thought overwhelmed me. It warmed my heart and my eyes got watery. :’)

To make a long story short, I have realized that I lost my way a long time ago and surely didn’t realize it. I want find and be that ambitious kid I once was. I want to strive to be a better me with everyday that passes. I want to live my life to the fullest. But most of all I want to be the best mother I can be. I want to give him the world. 

I know this won’t happen over night. It will take many teeny tiny baby steps as I am trying to adjust to motherhood as a full time worker and a student. I have a lot on my plate but one day I will be me again. Promise.

I’m sick, I’m exhausted, I’m drowsy, & just down right feel like crap.. But when I look over and see this silly kid’s face my heart is warmed and it all goes away<3 (Taken with instagram)

thedailywhat:

Photo of the Day: The 88 searchlights of the Twin Towers’ Tribute in Light shine brightly while the half-built One World Trade Center, the lead building of the new World Trade Center complex, stands tall nearby, bathed in red, white, and blue.

[ap via atlanticwire.]

It’s truly amazing how vividly everyone remembers this day. Never forget. 09.11.01

(via cristinajean)

rawranniemal:

Can’t even imagine being him or the operator. RIP.

</3

(Source: kk-47, via dopeysang)

This is EXACTLY how I feel since I’ve been pregnant. I ain’t playin’ no mo’e!

(via let-me-be-your-everything)

So, today is worked 8-1pm. I then went home sat on my ass until 5:30 but in the mean time I read a book and ate 4 bowls of cereal. Yes, I said 4. Then went back to work for another 3.5 hours. Yay, TIME&AHALF! Before you judge me on my excessive cereal eating, my way of justifying it is that my bowls aren’t very big. We’ve had the same cereal bowls since I was like five and I refuse to use anything else! Now, I want more cereal but I’m trying to fight the urge. I typically don’t eat dinner at my parent’s place cuz aside from my dad’s traditional Mexican dishes he usually tends to “experiment” and throws a bunch of crap into a pan and calls it breakfastlunchanddinner. :]

SOOOO, I totally stole this from my lovely co-worker Sarah. Right off her pants! Haha. Jk. Well, Kinda. I freaked out when I saw it and she gave it to me right then and there. LOVEHER<3 Now I owe her :D

This past week has been one of the best in awhile.. Allow me to explain.

TUESDAY: Brunch with my beautiful “White Girls” (Trish, Aundrea, and Little Lily) and then spent the rest of the day lounging around, chit-chatting, and then found we all have a common desire to “party plan” so we spent the afternoon planning our first party together :D hehe. At night I hung out with my Summer Girls (Amethys, Jan, and Nicole T. <— We were missing Jessica T. )’: We ate dinner at Yardhouse on Santana Row and spent the whole night catching up on the last six months and talking about our least favorite subject .. dun dun dun .. THE FUTURE! The older we get, the busier we get, and the things and events we thought were light years away are suddenly smacking us right in the face ( i.e. Babies, marriage, moving out/relocating, graduating)! It’s all happening so quickly! However, I do know that no matter what happens in my life these people have always had my back even if we don’t necessarily talk everyday. <3

WEDNESDAY: The dreaded, but loved, VERMONSTER DAY! UGGGGGHHHHH! The only great part about this is having this tradition with my three of my best friends Matthew, Tri, and Justin. Tri wasn’t physically here again so we had to Skype him in again! I miss our adventures together, but we’re all growing up and off exploring the world. :]   ____________ The other awesome part of the day was wearing my first maternity shirt .. ever! My sister gave me her maternity clothes and i gave up searching for something to fit me so I wore one of the shirts she gave me. <3 Then I had preggo yoga at night and theeeeeennnn went to watch Captain America with Casandra, Justin, and Matty. :D

THURSDAY: Work then hang out with my sister and my monsters! Then I dragged them to La Milpa with me for dinner. YUMMM!

FRIDAY: Circus day!!! I haven’t been to Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey’s circus since i was kid. I had a coupon so I made the whole family go. It was quiet awesome! The loud music made the baby wiggle around in my belly for the whole first half of the show. I don’t know if he was dancin’ or if he was annoyed. Haha. Whatever it was .. it made me laugh. :] <3

Idk what is in store for me today but I’m sure I’ll have fun doing it. In the mean time, peace & love. I’m out.

This could explain why my legs feel like Jello at the very end of the day but NOMATTERWHAT it is ALWAYS worth it. <3

Ugh, I miss Disneyland so much! </3

(via mickeyandminnie)

I don’t think I ever grew up in that era, but I sure do wish that kind of courtesy still existed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(via mickeyandminnie)